still i will worship

i don't like church

i don't like most christians

i don't like theology

i don't like shallow people who think christianity is easy

i don't like conservatives

i don't like liberals

i don't like argumentative people

i don't like most praise and worship music

i don't like fundamental christianity

i don't like praying

and i resent a lot of people and movements and factions and actions

...but my resentment is precisely the opposite of christian love...

...and i am the poster child for the behavior i judge so harshly in others...

and despite it all...i do love Jesus...but sometimes i wish it was easier

i am certainly a far cry from the idealistic, crusading girl i was only a few short months ago. and that is ok. but i have spent most of my time lately wishing for joy. wishing i was less jaded and more hopeful.

this morning was easter morning.

and i just decided that i must worship my God. because he is God. not because i feel like it. not because i feel him. but because he is God. so i did. i lifted my hands and i prayed for forgiveness and i worshiped my God who is love.

and i can't say that i feel entirely transformed. but i can say that i know my God is with me. i know he is here. and i am taking baby steps toward him.

still i will worship still i will worship still i will worship still i will worship still i will worship

even when it is the last thing my flesh wants to do.

still i will worship still i will worship still i will worship still i will worship still i will worship.

please, help me, jesus!